Thursday, May 14, 2009

Taking the risk to bloom, pulling weeds first

Inspired by President Obama's commencement speech and drive. Inspired by Kevin's enthusiasm, Natale Design and Build's interest, and inspired by my enjoyment of the Green Drinks gathering last night at the Shady Lea mills... I put my notice in today at the magazine. I really don't like selling advertising and I'm not good at it, especially in a depressed economy when I see so many businesses struggling. Advertising will get people wanting, but if they don't need it, no ad is going get them spending money they don't have. And besides, It's been costing me more money to work then I bring in and my spirit gets killed every press week. It should be rewarding and its damaging to me instead.

Even with a positive attitude and when most of the time I'm enjoying my work - the drives, the people, the magazine, the creative expressionism, even the busy systematic work with all it's challenges (slow email, no printer, gas money and time consuming drives). What kills me the most is the pressure to be perfect in areas that I'm not very good in - that is killing me, emotionally, spiritually and financially.

I know I've given this work a great deal of my best, but I'm needed to release it (the job) and like Obama said, do what inspires me what interest me, what I"m good at, and do it full on. " Let the beauty I love, be what I do." rumi My son, his art, our art, my passion for sustainable living and natural health, yoga, nature, dancing and music, community outreach, being of service, evolving spirits, these things interest me and I am very drawn to them. "Let yourself be silently drawn to what you really love." rumi

I am excited and relieved even with all the scary aspects I face. ( I hate to even state them here... people will think I'm crazy!)
I must stay positive, and feel all the abundance energy around me as a support when doing what my soul guides me to do. I will be happy - I am a happy person and choose happiness over sadness. But I am sad to and mourning many things, ideas and relationships.

Most importantly is my child's well fare. Our secure, stable existence is of utmost importance and I am going to give that/him/us my 100% attention - we will survive and thrive happily, yes with some adventure, but never again with such insecurity.

Thank you God, government and my own talents, grace and courage.

Thanks for listenting. Wish me luck and success and the spirit to perservere and do my best.

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