Tuesday, July 27, 2010
58 years of marriage, and my Dad finally comes home after 3 and a half months in the hospital to a wife he promised to grow old with ("because the best was yet to come!") I'm so happy for my father to live again in the comfort of the familiar.
My prayers are now centered around the spreading of joy, peace and love within every thought, word and action in his world. I hope my sister Anne comes home to Rhode Island soon too, and that my mother and father get along, struggle free, with Grace and God, and good health, fully in their lives.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Lives in Motion, with Slowin' Potion - My CA Girlfriends, grow with the flow, as my Father slows in his final years. Shiva/Shakti energy & God at work
Samantha Shakti Brown and three month old baby, Kiran, in their lovely abode, Big Basin Vineyard's Surya Chandra Temple Home, Boulder Creek, CA July 11, 2010
Cara Judea Alhadeff and I celebrate our friendship on her new apartments rooftop in downtown Oakland, CA (there's a playground right across the street, and a view of the Bay bridge and SF from on high. July 10, 2010
I recently went out to California where I got to spend brief, but quality time with two of my most inspirational and supportive friends, both yoga teachers of mine, both former travel companions and housemates, both friends twelve and eight years my junior. Both going through mid thirties life changes that are slowing their face paced world down.
Cara, the world traveler, yoga teacher, lecturer and erotic-art photographer, was my roomie when we lived in San Francisco's Haight (Janice Jopplin used to live in the same apartment building). Cara's an Iyengar Yoga teacher extraordinaire and an amazingly creative photographer (www.carajudeaalhadeff.com) with shows all over the world, from Amsterdam to Korea. Just three days prior to my welcomed arrival, she had left her east coast bases in NYC and PA to be carried over the threshold of a door newly opened to a world which has the hopes of 'settling' her down. With the hopes of having a child soon, Cara is prepared to be in a "slow me down" mode; let's hope she doesn't crack with the destruction-creation (Shiva-Shakti) faze that will or will not bring a calm to her chaos when the dust settles. Chaos, afterall, is often what we thrive in!
Samanthaji, married now for two full and happy years, gave birth to her first child, Kiran (ray of light), in April. (A confirming jolt of lightning struck moments after Sam asked her baby, then in belly, what he thought of her liking the name Kiran.) I found Sam and her husband Bradley absolutely glorious; happiness and Mama love radiated from Sam and her own bright light was as inspiring as ever. She hula hooped, breast fed, swam laps, breast fed, worked out with a boot camp video, and kept busy around the house, always present, always loving. Still the go-getter, Sam set an intention to "have fun through the process of loosing her Mama weight", Always filled with positive intentions to fill her life with grace.
The day after I left the VIneyard, Sam took a Mama break and went horseback riding (something my intuition told me seemed a little much...); her horse spooked, threw her to the ground, and proceeded to step on her leg and 'brake' it. Apparently, If a new born can't slow you down, a broken leg will. Sam is an extremely health conscious eater and with all the Anusara yoga and Universal Principles of Alignment her body is programed to it's ultimate blueprint, so it's no wonder that her soft tissue is healing well, and with the help of a plate placed in her leg, she is once again moving forward with the presence of Grace. Sam's text to me after the injury proclaimed with positive light, "this will make me a better teacher!" She's already a great teacher, and her positive attitude in the face of Shiva - Shakti forces is one of her best teachings yet!
What creative lives we live... every day a different page to an ever evolving story. And with the chaotic patterns life brings, moves, injuries, births, deaths, we need not let these chapters fix onto us, for we are separate from the stories. With destruction comes creation, with creation comes destruction, and with all the change is growth. Do not get fixed on one chapter, live as if the breath that moves through you. Enjoy your days with grace and a positive attitude, like Sam; open to the unknown and to possibility like Cara, and share in these two women's courage, a knowing consciousness, that life is filled with destruction and creation, Shiva Shakti energy. We must first be open to the breaking down of our attachments, patterns, and stories, in order to create something new, something different, something better... us.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Block Island, Rhode Island from Shane's and my airplane window.
Shortly after take off for our trip across country, we were fortunate to catch this beautiful sight of Block Island, RI, plopped 12 miles off the coastal beaches near our home in Matunuck, where Shane goes to school, September thru June.
It was as if we were flying over our "Big Picture", seeing our Rhode Island home pass below, as we flew westward to California where his father lives, and where much of our lives unfold and gather steam. This "Big Picture", living on and with the infulences of both coasts, has 'little picture' challenges that make relationships complex, finances stressed and work schedules strained. Yet, having both coasts in our lives, and his father's love and time, is indeed a big picture I hope we can sustain, without further undue stress and strain. I pray to be in the winds of Grace. I need to work more pointedly on increasing my earnings wherever I am, to get financially secure and comfortable enough to support a bi-coastal life, for both of us, without any reliance on friends and family, other than what should duely come our way from Shane's father (even if it means our time out west are only "visits.")
In my "big, big picture", I dream to be financially able to build a "green" home in the Pecos Mts of New Mexico, where I'll write, practice and teach yoga, and watch the sun set glowingly over the desert hues. To explore my wisdom years with the comforting echoes of pinions and juniper hollowed hills would be glorious. Hmmm... 'still unfolding these images. I currently, and actually have had on and off over the past five years, a love relationship with an interesting man that seemingly keeps keeping on and I really can't imagine it ever stopping. It's an odd one, but I do hope my relationship with this man continues, as long as it's an "us" relationship, well into our wisdom years and wildest traveling dreams. And I do hope and have intention to explore more of this great big wonderful world with my son Shane too. He is and I bet would really be an interesting sort to travel abroad with. These "big pictures within my big picture" have yet to be drawn in the clouds of our undefined, deep and abiding ways. My real goal is to now come truly into myself as a money maker while being of service as an Anusara (tm) yoga teacher, natural health educator, informational and creative writer, memoirist, mother and traveler.
In the mean time... Shane is now in week two with his Papa in the Redwood forest of northern Sonoma, with three and half more weeks to go. We talk daily at length, mainly about his day and LEGOS. I appreciate my relationship with my son, and value it's deep bond of respect, trust and love, and it's lighter level of joyfulness and play. I never tire of his company and although I miss him dearly, I am extremely happy for his growing time with Daddy, and with California (which is it's own separate relationship to be in).
I also got to be with my mother and father after my weekend in CA. It was a short, but expansive few days, from Tuesday to Friday, where I got to explore my relationship with my father while he regains what healthy days he has remaining in his vital but elderly and ill self. It's time warping, being with aging parents, as images and memories of my life prior to the time of my send off from "home" as a college student, clash with the years I became an adult afterward. My Dad's big picture includes almost sixty years with my loving, precious mother, and has led to his now old age and traumatic illnesses and triumphant comebacks (from Lung cancer and other ailments, that have occured since his April 7th admittance to the hospital). What a full circle we live from birth to death, what frameless pictures and stories we create as our souls intermingle and flow from body to body in God's glorious big picture.
Like the above Galaxies spiraling from energy centers to expansive releases, we live with so many unknowns, so many possibilities, so much chaos and so many patterns, of life and death, creation and destruction, beauty and beastiness. In Sanskrit, the language of yoga, we call the magnificent occurrances, Liela, the predictable ones Karma and the process of destruction and parrallel creation Shiva/Shakti energy. All the chaos creates "big pictures" and the true beauty is in the presence of GOD, the Supreme Intelligent One, whom connects the flow of our souls, so we are all ONE, in this Universe of Divine Consciousness together.
What is your big picture? Accept that it is to be filled with the chaos of the unknown, but project the images of a defined existence being lived with a fulfilled heart, and an ever burgeoning soulfueled story.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Shane and I have enjoyed some nice beach time. Here he is on Matunuck Beach with Block Island in the background. June and July in Rhode Island have been hot and sunny. But soon we're off to CA, and me to FL to take care of my father for four days.
We leave Friday, July 9th for San Francisco. Shane gets to be with his Dad for five weeks, and I'll get to visit Samantha and her new born baby boy, Kirtan, in Boulder Creek on Big Basin Vineyard, for a few days before flying to FL to take care of my Dad and relieve my sister Anne.
It will be nice to remember what it feels like to be a Californian again, if only for a brief time. The energy of the west coast is so full of Shri, It humbles my own energy with its majestic prowess and New Agey - in your face -spirituality; which I am drawn to, yet repelled by at the same time.
Shane is so looking forward to seeing his Papa and to being in the energy of MendoNoma county. His dad lives deep in the high redwood forest, northwest of the Dry Creek wine country, and twenty miles east of the Pacific Ocean.
As seen in this picture, the north Atlantic has a friendlier shoreline than the northern Pacific, both beautiful in their own magically natural way. In the distance is Block Island, and sailers catching the wind of Grace. I hope that through our week of travels- to CA, FL and back home to RI, we are in the flow of Grace, that our sails are open, and we are free from struggle and full of happiness and contentment.