Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The risk it takes to bloom...

"And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
~ Anais Nin

My spring seedlings are growing taller; their risk to remain tight and not germinate is one they haven't opted to take, instead they're sprouting, reaching toward my kitchen window's northeast sun, yearning to be cilantro, collards and chard. Are you still yearning to be more of who you know you are? What risks do you take by not going toward the light of that promise? Isn't the risk of growing, better?

I've taken the risk to direct my energies toward living in line with my Soul, teaching yoga, working in the "green" natural foods industry (again), and writing, writing, writing, spreading the good works and efforts of many, while being in support of numerous consciencous causes. The risk has meant doing so for less than I value my time at being worth. Not that there is not immense value at working for the heart, the cause, and the good karma. These are all wonderful reasons, for the risks of not being able to give and be of service is far greater than not honoring your path.

At the risk of not ever having a child of my own (and granted the path of parenthood is not for everyone) I chose to bare, and raise, a child as a single parent, often at the risk of being stuck in some pretty muddy waters. Like as of late, I finally made it through the muddy abyss of late spring; like a lotus flower rising forth from the murky bog, my roots have not had stable ground to hold fast to since the RI Flood, which occurred on the eve of April's Fool's Day. Alas though, I am out of high water emotionally and financially, and I'm back in black, regaining light and feeling growth again.

Money is a necessary nutrient to our spirit and livelihood, providing for our basic needs and helping to enrich our lives with opportunities. It's lack of and/or mismanagement of, can often mentally and physically hold us back from the growth we seek. I am grateful to have had some new shoots of income come to me this week. Plant the seed, and work to bare the fruit!

Another good sprout shooting up is that my father is doing a bit better; after over three weeks in the hospital following lung cancer surgery, he's hopefully gaining the strength and momentum to begin to breathe on his own again. My family is reassuring me that although I so very much want to be near my father, it's best I stay home where my son needs me most. It's a risk I'm taking, not ever seeing my father again, but my faith is feeding me on this one.

Another budding, is my relationship with the man I can't seem to get out of my heart. It's a risk I just can't stop taking, to love and accept what comes. As Rumi so poetically puts it, ... "Love flows down. The earth submits to the sky and suffers what comes, does the earth fare any iess for giving in like that?" I've got to just love him, the risk of not hurts too much.

I tend to always start blooming in late April, in sync with the trees, and my birthday. My mother's sweet card arrived for me today, three days early, but with perfect timing. It sang to me just when I needed it. Thanks Mom! My little guy asked me how old I'll be when he's my age. We imagined what life will be like when he's 47, and I'm 87... It was a very interesting conversation. I told him I hope he has a child, and he said he wants six! I said, "then you better keep doing your very best in school and make good money to support your family." He said he wanted to invent solar panel cars that hover, and be a palentologist and scientist. Reminded me of when my mom used to say to me, "you better marry a millionaire, Becky!" I always had a load of cool things on my plate, but somehow she thought I'd need a man to do it all. I kind of think that energy stuck, but I keep trying to disprove it. (Note, I was engaged to a millionaire I dated for seven years, but left that dream for another that loomed larger. Having a child and growing even more as an individual!)

When I think of the lessons I'm still either ignoring or practicing to learn, I wonder what lessons are instore for my son. I pray for Grace to help us both continue to age with joyfulness and intelligence. I pray for my son, and for all of the young and old yet to come, to risk to live out their dreams. To risk to learn their lessons, to make choices, to dive deeper, to spend wisely, to work harder, to listen smarter, to laugh when wanting to cry, to cry when wanting to laugh. To risk is to feel and give love, instead of live with the hard emotions of fear and anger.

To dream is to risk. To envision and define clearly what you want, is to risk it's arrival, and it's changing. And, to risk growing in the chaos of the muddy process, is to risk learning your lessons, for to remain stuck, is to risk not growing at all. Dive deep in the hazy waters, hold fast to your intentions, and bloom from the bud of your wildest dreams!

There are Love stories and there is obliteration into love.
We are walking the ocean's edge, holding up our robes to keep them dry.
We must dive, naked and under. Under a thousand times deeper.
Love flows down. The earth submits to the sky and suffers what comes.
Tell me, does the earth fare any less for giving in like that.

Jelaludin Rumi

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Bhavana and Shri

Shri - Sh ree "life-affirming energy," "that which diffuses lights," the essence of spring!

Bhavana- the active resting in the natural unfolding beauty of being.

This weekend's yoga classes have a theme set around Shri and Bhavana. How can we carry the life-affirming energy of spring into each of our deeply set, personal intentions while living with both the necessary will and much needed Grace (no pun intended)? It's a process that takes practice, on and off the mat. To begin...

The mantra for starting any new ventures or undertaking any good and new works is:

Om Shri Ganeshay Namah

I came across this mantra when exploring the website of a new yoga studio that has recently cropped up with in northern RI. Yes, another yoga studio in little RI! Shri Studio in Pawtucket.

My own community yoga studio is still in the process of unfolding (in Matunuck at Broadview Yoga Barn or maybe elsewhere- we'll see!). It's still in the seed germination stage, and I must continue to put every thought, word and action toward it's bloom, while remaining patient. I must resist rushing the fruits of my passion, but rather have the patient unfolding, or Bhavana, along with Shri.

There is no need to rush the unfolding of a flower, to be in the beauty of the process, is to live life at its fullest.

Imagine seeing consciousness, our heart, mind and soul, our entire being, as a flower that is unfolding. Bhavana is taking an active role in one's opening, to consciously involve oneself in the process.

How does a flower open?
It opens when light, water and nuturients in the soil nurture it.

But why hurry to open?
Why hurry towards the so called end of flowering?

Bhavana is the active resting in the natural unfolding beauty of being.
Alan Clements, www.WorldDharma.com
as shared with me by my first Anusara Yoga teacher and dear friend, Hanneli Francis back in 2001

Om Shri Ganeshay Namah

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Kid' ng and Caring

The sounds of my sisters conversing and breathing with my Dad, talking sweetly to my Mom, giggling amongst themselves and buckling down with the nurses where my dad is being cared for, is in a constant rhythm above my brow. I love this fun cellphone photo they sent from their "girl's night out", while attending Mom's bowling night. (That's a pic of me they're holding, a downloaded presence, since I can't be there in person.) I'm helping from up here, they say, and with the swift aide of modern day technology I've been able to send cheery Shane quips, and text'd synthesis' of my Dad's condition, via the very appreciated aide of my dear friend, "the doctor".)

My Mom's an awesome bowler... no kidding, 'though "kid-ing" is something we all need more of. As I'm sure my sisters are filling every available non-heavy moment with. I'm so glad I have my little guy to keep me smiling and laughing.

Today, I unpacked his backpack from a day at the Roger Williams Park Zoo (a trip he enjoyed with the YMCA spring breakers) and to my sweet surprise I found a rather wilted, but brillant bouquet of dandelions that he had picked for me on the playground at the Y. My heart melted. What a sweetie! He asked a friend for his empty gatorade bottle to stuff them in. Ragged and weary, they're a symbol of so much. Filled with the Shri of childhood and apparent warmth that sincere care can bring. They lit up my day, and his sadness at their condition was heartening.
Oh how I can't help but love, cherish and appreciate these wonderful days while my little guy is so darn cute and adoring.

May moments like these enrich the lives of every human. Love is something.
Here's to Care-giving of all kinds, and to what fills us up!

Good news too. My Dad's doing better... the tracheotomy today has helped tremendously, to bring him hope, his own breath and the recognition that there are brighter days ahead! Big love and breaths full of Grace to all.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Open to Grace. WEDNESDAY & FRIDAY YOGA Practices/Classes - Dedicated to those needing wellness and to those as witness of process.

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 7th's and FRIDAY's APRIL 9th's yoga practice/class theme is Opening to Grace, with a dedicated practice for my father who is going in for lung cancer surgery tomorrow at noon. Grace and empathy is especially needed by health care givers, as they treat and aide elders and the unwell and often become hardened to the "care" side of health care. As much as Grace and faith is needed by the ill, it's needed by the nurses, radiologist and doctors. It's an often cold and lonely process, getting well, going in and out of hospitals, test after test, chemo, radiation.... To send out wishes of Grace for all those involved is hugely needed. Kindness is so underrated, and yet so valued. Please be tender to my father, and may all be filled with Grace and free from struggles of all kind.

Broad View Yoga Barn 1010 Matunuck Beach Road, Matunuck, RI
$5-$15 Sliding Scale Fee // Call for more info: 401-533-0116

Wednesdays (Beginning April 7)
11 am-12:30 pm & 4-5 pm
Fridays (Beginning April 9)
11 am-12:30 pm & 5-6 pm

Walks on the beach optional!! More classes to come. Comment with Email address to be on Mail list.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

We are the Resurrection, for we Embody Christ and the Supreme Divine Consciousness dwells within!

Happy Easter weekend! And what a beautiful spring spell we are in, with temps in the 60s and long days of sunshine, you can't help but feel revived. After the deluge of rain, the grass is bright green and the scent, feel and sight of Shri permeates the air. The affirmation of life (Shri) is everywhere, budding from the bare grey bends of oaks, maples and elms; tweeting from the bright red cardinals that flit to and fro the branches till dusk, and infused in the play of children everywhere, on the rocky beaches, the egg sprawled grass and the sun speckled porches. We are blessed with a time to rejoice and are filled with the energy of the Divine, as we resurrect the embodiment of Christ in our own being.

This morning Shane and I went to Easter service at Peace Dale's Unitarian Universal Church. It was our first time actually making it there, we've tried before when they were on break. I am often teaching yoga on Sundays or busy at a Yoga Teacher Training or Workshop, childsitting friends' little ones, or watching over my son resting from from one of the viruses or bugs he caught this year.

We had a lovely Easter Sunday, after Church he enjoyed an egg hunt with the congregation, and another egg hunt here in our yard with the neighborhood kids. Then we enjoyed a neighborhood Easter dinner, as we each brought a plate, shared food and sat on our porches in the sun and feasted! Jeff baked the ham, yams and potatoes; Shane and I decorated an egg shaped cake and made Arugula salad, while Joyce had the twins and dished it all out lovingly with her big smile and generous heart. Before that we all went to the Green Hill Beach and flew kites, dug holes and stacked rocks.

It was a great day to celebrate life. Especially after a week of cleansing. Even Shane had carrot juices and fruit smoothies in place of breads and meats this week, and I did the full Master Cleanse for a few days easing in and out of the fast days with salads, juices, soups and wheat grass. I feel fresher, lighter and full of Shri! Coffee has no appeal to me- I sipped a bit today, and had to say no thanks.

I'm still cleansing and restoring myself emotionally, after letting go of yet another attempt to reunite with my x. It's been a challenging week. I also am deeply praying, as my father goes in for lung surgery this week, Wednesday, to rid his right lower lobe and windpipe of a centimeter of cancer. My mom went through a tough week as well, and spent a few horrible days in the hospital after what was feared to be a stroke/tvi. All is well now with them, although Dad's week awaits. It's very disconcerting to know they are going through so much. I am glad my sister Anne is flying down there today to be with them during this next challenging week. I pray that there is peace and Grace in every moment so we handle all fear, pain and longings with God's divine love, which we each embody, but may forget to embrace.

With that said, May we be filled with the promise of a renewed life, the embodiment of Divine Christ energy and the resurrection of Hope, as we bud and grow through the rest of springs dawning.