Sunday, December 20, 2009

Snowfall Reflections & Wishes for 2010

It's been so dark lately, but this weekend's snowfall has shined lots of light on the darkness, and is creating quite a lot of reflection. Everybody's dark sides are coming to light, and bouncing off each other. It's part of nature, but it can often be a painful time and hard to accept. During this winter season sparkling with Holydays, I pray that all beings everywhere withstand the darkness, and see their own light as divine goodness, shining on the serene, the beautiful and the sacred, and when dark corners are unveiled into light, may we be accepting without overreaction but with grace and equanimity. With this we can shine light on the possibility of growth and healing.

I need to remember this as I deal with the realities and unrealities that I am faced with, on this darkest night of the year. I thought he loved me. If he loves me I'll stick it out. I just don't know anymore. He says I never come to the middle, yet that's what I do and request all the time, to take a break when stressed, instead of being reactionary. To apologize when we've over reacted. I can not be his dream girl, the perfect woman- the one 'like mother, but without mother's faults.' We all have a dark and a bright side. It takes acceptance to understand that. I am not his mother. This snow is just glaringly mirror-like in all directions, and it's shining lots of light on dark corners. Everything he says about me, I swear he could be saying to his own reflection, and he probably thinks the same of my words. It's very confusing. What can simplify things is acceptance and opening to Grace, not over reactivitiy. So I must move on and look forward with an open heart.

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